The kid who destroyed my marriage still hates me

DEAR ABBY: I got married 14 years ago to a great guy, but after a year of marriage, our children (her 10 year old son and my 12 and 13 year olds) couldn’t stand each other and caused a lot of problems.

Jeanne Phillips

I was heartbroken when he gave me the divorce papers. I moved away but continued to date him without our children.

Seven years ago, after his son left, I moved in again, but he won’t ask me to remarry him. My children get along well with him, but his son hates me and refuses to come to parties or birthdays that I organize.

Should I move out and move on? I feel like I’ve wasted 14 years of my life.


Dear Desperate: I wish you had said why this “wonder guy”‘s son hates you. Could he be blaming you for the failure of his parents’ marriage, or was it something else?

That this man let his son dictate how you are going to spend your life is very sad. Unless you can accept living with the status quo (which must be painful), the answer to your question is: move on.

DEAR ABBY: In 2014, I lent $5,000 to a family friend. At the time, and since, I have never asked the reason for the loan. Over time, we lost sight of each other. However, we recently reconnected and decided to road trip/camp all over the West.

Three days later, we both realized it was a bad idea to travel together for a long time. He has now become very mean and speaks ill of me. Should I write and ask for the loan payment or let it go?


DEAR POCKET: If you had the foresight to write down the fact that you were lending this person money, you have a prayer that the loan will be repaid. If you haven’t, you can try writing to that (former) family friend, but legally it won’t be worth the paper your letter is written on. If so, consider it an expensive lesson.

PS Because no effort has been made in the past six years to repay your generosity, your road trip was doomed before it even began.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very good friend that I have known for 18 years. Without fail, every time we’re on the phone and she gets another call, she’ll say, “Oh, let me call you right back,” but she never does. Sometimes days go by until I call her or she calls me and then she acts like nothing happened.

We could be in the middle of a conversation but she doesn’t call back. Or, she’ll call me while she’s driving somewhere and end the call when she gets to her destination, if she hasn’t already hung up to take another call.

Is she a real friend? What should I say or do? After years of feeling unimportant in his life, this has really started to piss me off lately.


DEAR NOT FINISHED: Your longtime friend is inconsiderate. Rather than waiting endlessly, call her back the same day. And when you do, tell him exactly how his disinterest in your feelings made you feel. However, don’t expect her to like it, as inconsiderate people rarely do when pointed out.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.